Work: June 2005 Archives

It's all wonderfully summarized right here. Why I haven't written this already, I don't know.

I've wasted my life.

A coworker has this woman that babysits his kids that he calls "The Cookie Lady". She is independently wealthy and loves nothing more than to bake cookies and cakes for people, free of charge. The coworker often brings in his spoils for all of us to share. The cake looked good in the box, but when I cut it it looked like this:

It looks like the wreck of a cake freighter. Just cake everywhere. Local authorities were on the scene overseeing the carnage. Local residents were seen shoveling piles of the wreck into their fucking greedy mouths. More news at 11.

UPDATE: I am walking into more training right now. Let the hilarity ensue.

I have a disorder called selective narcolepsy. It seems as though I will fall dead asleep in certain situations. In fact, it is so selective as to be isolated to work training sessions that I have no desire to go to. It just happened, actually, about an hour ago.

Imagine a portrayal of a person trying to keep 3 tons of water from knocking down his hut. Walls are caving in; springs are leaking from a dozen places at once. And he's the only one that can keep the hut from washing away. That's what it was like listening to this boring product training being given by a Marketing Woman that talks in FUCKING UPSPEAK?

It was almost exaggerated the way I was nodding and nodding. Someone demonstrated what I looked like. My eyes were rolled up into my head half the time, yet I kept them open, so it looked as though I were possessed or something. If I gave in and let the waters wash away my hut, I could have slid right out of my chair into the floor, or maybe a coworker. It really was a constant struggle for to maintain...(what's that's word that means 'state of being awake'? I don't think that awakeness or wakitude are words.). If I cared much about this, or if there were anything I could do about it I would be embarrassed. I am looking for suggestions if you have any.

As soon as it was over, I started feeling alert again. There are at least two more of these sessions this week and next. Fun times. I'll try to sleep an extra hour the night before.

I just sent the following email, slightly altered for blogging, to Pedro:

I read an IM conversation between Rick and Dick (CEO) that I should not have read. I saw some snippets:

Dick: "...sometimes hard choices need to be made..."
Dick: "It's a company. He was expected to do a job."
Rick: "...I was thinking...maybe the new guys..."
Dick: "You're kidding me! They just started!"

In short, I am pretty convinced that either me or James are going to get the boot by Monday. Unless Rick decides that Bobby will be the sacrificial lamb, which I doubt Dick would allow. I have a 36K deal hopefully closing tomorrow. But even if that comes in and saves me, I can't see me being able to stay there. It's like being a rat in a cage.

I told James of this, and he feels the same way. He knows that he needs to get out. I dunno. This all just sucks. And I just got that flat-screen monitor.

I honestly feel like walking into work tomorrow and flat-out asking if I am next. I have some serious thinking to do. It's never been more clear that I am going to waste in this job. I really need to figure out what to do, and I am pretty sure that involves working for myself.

UPDATE: By the way, Dick is not a dick because he wants to fire me. Well, okay, he is, but that's not really why I think he's a dick. It's because he's an egotistical, unethical, mean and petty freakshow. More on him after I (likely) get canned.

Last week, two new guys got hired. Two days ago, a coworker, the one I was hired with (Pedro), got fired. And now there are changes to everyone's territories.

Since he's gone, the Kiwi salesguy (#1) snatched up the fallen coworker's fancy headset, and I grabbed his flat-panel fancy monitor. Just now my boss and I nearly came to blows over the non-prescription drugs in his desk.

I went out for a drink with him the day he was ejected. Apparently on Friday our boss asked him to quit. Pedro wasn't happy with the job, and it was clear that he was overqualified and should never have been hired for this position. Rick, our boss, was led to believe that the job was something much different from what it actually turned out to be. Pedro floundered in May and Rick was under pressure to fire someone. That person was almost me, but I was able to pull it together in April and May. In addition to picking through his bones, we are left to pick through his territory. I pick up two states while losing one of my favourites (to the top sales guy!).

It's perfectly reasonable to believe that I could be on the chopping block again. The CEO still doesn't really like me, and even though I am in charge of an altered territory, I have to do really well in July, or else. This hasn't been told to me, but I am sure it will be.

Sales sucks, especially when the company 1) changes the rules on you; 2) has a comp plan that screws you extra if you miss a target, and doesn't really reward extra if you exceed it. I need a new life.