Is BMI an accurate measure of anything? I read Marie-Jo's entry about her resolutions and the first of those was to have a BMI of 22. I am sure she has her reasons for losing 10 more pounds, but I have always been suspicious of that measure.

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I never allowed myself the possibility to think that anyone could get a new esophagus in my lifetime until tonight. How could I not after seeing last Sunday's 60 Minutes report on growing body parts from stem cell technology? I encourage all of you to watch it while you can as I don't know how long it will be available.

At the 6:30 mark, the story shifts to the story of a 76-year-old man that had esophageal cancer and was too weak to go through the butchering I went through. He was in the right place at the right time and through this research they grew him a new esophagus. The described the standard treatment and showed his cancer-ridden gullet; I could barely watch. He is now cancer-free and is feeling great, eating normally, and is putting on weight. I'm not even half that age and am contemplating an imminent end.

I've already said that sooner or later I won't be able to tolerate this...life. If I can get into a similar trial, anywhere in the world, no matter what the cost: I. AM. GOING.

I think I have enough things to live for, but you can't have too many, can you? Call this a stretch goal.

I never bothered to mention it before, but I kinda have to now, because I am looking for some feedback. On November 23, I was laid off on the 90th day of my 90-day probation. It sucked, but not that much. They graciously offered a little severance which they did not have to do, and this will serve me well through the holiday season. The reasons were mainly because the reason for my being hired in the first place no longer exist. I may have contributed to this, actually; I made a strong case for a key feature to not be included in my projects. But that's part of my job, and regardless of the results, I am glad I at least did that well.

As you all know, this hasn't been an easy fall. The health issues alone made things very challenging at work. Towards the end, I was missing work, missing sleep and looking like pure shit most of the time. My mind was foggy, I was depressed and part of me was wondering if I could even do my job adequately. I am sure that this was a part of their decision, and if so, I respect that. There wasn't much I could do about it.

Since November 23rd, I have been largely taking it easy and getting as much rest as I can get under the circumstances. My mind has expanded to take in more young adult cancer projects. I am more involved with Survive and Thrive Expeditions. I am seeing a therapist. And I started chemotherapy again, but in pill form. I have just begun the second 10-day round, and so far it's been a pretty positive experience.

So I keep busy. I am enjoying this time off. I feel as though I am healing slowly but surely. I don't feel nearly as desperate as I did before, although I have by no means thrown away my new perspective on time.

Here's the thing: I really REALLY think that I could get a new job very quickly. Here are the advantages:

Julie has been very sick lately, and possibly had H1N1. She's still under the weather as of today. Here's what happened when she went to work:

This morning, I decided to go to work. But with the coughs I am now producing, I sound worse. As soon as they saw me, my colleagues thought I didn't look good at all. I was immediately fitted with a mask which only increased people's reaction to me. I commented on how warm it was in the office and started fanning myself. Glances were exchanged among colleagues: apparently everybody was freezing. That's when the putsch was put into action.

In no time, my boss came to see me: ''I was told you're feeling a little warm in the office.'' I was banished--exiled--from the office. I gave my papers to my colleague who proceeded to spray them with LYSOL. These are the hygienic people who walk together as the 9 naked men to brush their teeth after lunch. Luckily, I was able to get rid of my too-tight mask and will be home watching more DVDs.

Make the most out of your sickness: don't be a hero, just stay home and veg out.