Recently in Friends Category

When you are taught a history that does not include you, it could lead
to a feeling of alienation, as though you are not really a Canadian (or
American, or whatever). It's yet another way to feel marginalized, and
I do not think that this marginalization should be blamed on the people
that feel that way. That's simply part of the way that your world has
been framed. Although I strongly identify as Canadian (and Quebecois,
and as a Montrealer) I have never really felt as though I have a stake
in the history, and therefore historical fabric of this country.
English or French people grow up knowing that they are part of a
"good", "valuable", "normal" group that can freely judge other groups
while ignoring certain struggles. Everything begins and ends with them.
This is huge. For me, this hasn't been that much of an issue until
recently, and I can see why it might be for others all the time. I
think that my brother and sisters all reacted to this quite differently
even if they never concretely identified exactly what was going on
growing up. It's like knowing that something is just "off", but not
necessarily knowing what. Anyway, you're too busy trying to fit in, or
preventing your ass from being kicked or spit on.

Sometimes I make an entry and then forget about my blog completely. Rose and I spent the day together, and I wasn't near a computer at all. Now it's nearly 1 am Monday morning and I am just checking my comments section.

I am overwhelmed.

I didn't expect this kind of outpouring. I won't go into the things that I was thinking about ten minutes ago, lying awake in bed, but I will say this: your thoughts and emotions have reinforced my resolve tenfold. I feel stronger than I have in weeks, even months. I feel as though I can do anything now. Even beat cancer once and for all. Or not. If it comes back again and again, I feel as though I could deal with that, too, as long as you are all behind me.

I've heard that bloggers are selfish and pompous exhibitionists, full of themselves. I've always known differently, but I've never felt it this much. If it weren't for blogging, and Yulblog in particular, I might be feeling very different right now. I won't forget all the things you've already done for me these past months.

And Rose, you're the most important non-blogging blogger there is. Don't think that I don't know that. I definitely do.

So I will continue, bravely and defiantly. This won't break me. It will not. There are times when spite is your best friend.

Thanks, everyone.

The weekend before last I was up north in the beautiful autumn Laurentides at Camp Kinkora, with the Young Adults Cancer Group, a division of CanSupport. As luck (good? bad?) would have it, I was the only man there. There were two coordinators, one "MC" and five other participants.

So I took a cab downtown last Saturday to meet with these people who I had never met before save one, by chance. I was feeling, as usual lately, pretty crappy, but I was determined to make it there. My motivation was that I really, really needed to talk to some people that are in a similar struggle for health and mental/emotional well-being.

I am depressed, you see. I am not the same person you met in June, full of hope and great expectations. Sure, I still expect to be better, but the feeling isn't quite as strong. But in June I could not have imagined how difficult this recovery would be, and now the reality is brutal. This depression is affecting how I function in my relationship in a major way, but that's a whole other discussion. This is supposed to be a positive entry.

This is an email I received from a good friend about yesterday's ride to work in Ottawa. An interesting commute? You could put it that way. Here is the description word for word. NB: He and the SHIFT key had a falling out many years back. SHIFT just seems to rub some people the wrong way, I guess.

get comfy.

so i am driving to work today, 9am. nearing the end of my daily commute, there's a point where i need to get from the right lane to the left lane in order to hop into a left turning lane at an upcoming intersection.

it is a 'procedure' i've executed without incident every work day for the last 6.5 years; signal left, merge left with traffic, signal left again and hop into the turning lane wait for the turn signal and bingo bango bongo you're through the intersection. yes, it is a complicated procedure, but i'm quite a good driver.

historically, most drivers understand that sometimes, at intersections, people need to turn left. also, this is a particularly busy strip with heavy traffic in both directions, two lanes each. so it's not trivial at time but since 51% of all turns are left turns, drivers are generally pretty respectful.

generally, but not today.

cruising along at a whopping 25km/h, i initiate 'the procedure' in moderate traffic volume. signal. check the requisite blind spots, see an opening thrice my car length and merge.

almost.

i was about halfway across the lane and this pontiac mini sedan (we'll call it PMS) in the left lane didn't take kindly to the fact that i wanted to merge into an available space in front of them, so they accelerate... and lean on the horn. more horn. more horn... sitting right on my tail pipe. more horn.

i am now fully in the left lane thinking that by leaning on the horn as such, PMS was merely requesting that i acknowledge their kindness for not rear ending my car, so i did the respectful thing and wave (yes, mockingly and probably much longer than i should have, but f@!k i really do hate honking).

the honking then stops and I proceed to jump (now travelling a mind boggling 10km/h) left into the turning lane as we approach the intersection, where the light is red. *sigh* this has been the most interesting commute to work, to date.

game over, right? wrong.

"Let's just say: There's a difference between people who blog and people who LiveJournal." -AJ Kandy

So Pookie, now known as zura (link her, you Yulblog people, hopefully you'll get to meet her at the next Yulblog experience), now has a blog. And in this blog she posted a bit of a dilemma. I don't know how to answer her, so I thought I'd put it out there for all of you to ponder. To summarize, she has a friend that has decided to forego worldly things such as friends in order to find meaning in her meaningless life, but who has also a vacuous, superficial personality that seems to forget that the spiritual version exists. How should zura deal with this? Please read the post for details.