Chemotherapy, Part 1: July 2007 Archives

If ever you were wondering what was under the wrapping on my arm, this is it. Note the well formed hole where the PICC line enters. If I am lucky, it will be removed in less than two weeks. It's been there since June 6 and I am getting tired of it.

Yesterday I had delicious spaghetti (singular: spaghetto. did you know that?) at Pizza Napoletane. It was what people who've been to Italy call "real spaghetti". I could eat less than half of before I had to stop. I had it put into a doggy bag and left with a satisfied Rose, who enjoyed a very pretty pizza. That was yesterday around 12:30 pm.

It is 10:15 am Sunday morning and I haven't eaten anything (except two cans of Ensure, if you call that eating) since then.

Christ, if only weight loss were my goal. Symptoms are setting in very early. I STINK of chemicals. You should have smelled the shirt that I was in Thursday when I got my second round of chemo. Wow. And everything else smells much more than if did. If we had mice, I could smell them farting.

I've just prepared some eggs with toast. Good stuff, made just the way I like it. But when it comes to eating it, I have to undergo a process, because food is actually a little repulsive now.

1. Concentrate on the bite to eat. It's GOOD. You know it's good.
   
2. Get it into your mouth. You can do it. Just slowly get it in there.
   
3. Add some toast. Or egg if toast was the first bite.
   
4. What now? Oh yes. Chew. Come on, chew. Keep going. Chew and taste. You can still taste how good it is. You still have your sense of taste. Keep going. Chew.
   
5. And here's the hard part. Swallow. I know how comfortable it feels in your mouth just sitting there. It never seems to get annoying, does it? But that's because your mouth is lying to you right now. You have to force it to do what needs doing. Besides, it's been nearly a day since you've eaten solid food. Think of the stomach satisfaction when that first bite hits the stomach. Mmmm. So just...swallow that bite. It's the best thing.
   And don't fucking vomit.
   
6. Repeat until done.

I am still trying to get it down. (Need more toast with this egg. Damnit, I wish I had some juice.) I hope that I can get other things down today. And here I was thinking that I was more of less okay. Cumulative effect indeed. Can't wait until my third round.

I just can't believe how much this sucks, and it's only the beginning. So much for a positive attitude. And my poor team at work is there all weekend. I have good reasons for being here, and I don't regret that, but I feel bad for them working on a weekend/holiday. I can't even check up on them because for some reason I cannot access my computer.

Aaanyway.