Recently in Chemotherapy, Part 1 Category

It just hasn't been my summer so far. even though the war against the infected vein was won, the recovery was awful. I was pretty dozy at work the week I returned, and in retrospect, I probably shouldn't have bothered to even go. The following week I was back to form, but unfortunately I was only there for the first three days of that week. I think that I got some work done, though.

Here's where things start to go awry again. Last Thursday, August 2, I started my third and final round of chemo before surgery. It was more or less normal. Instead of a PICC line in my venously mangled left arm, they put one in my right arm. After all, it was to be the final treatment lasting only five days after which they would remove the line. However, on Sunday night I started feeling some discomfort in my right arm. Monday morning around 11 am, I decided to see what they could do at the hospital, although I didn't hold out much hope. I figured that I would be there a couple of hours, they would tell me that there wasn't much they could do (I was hoping maybe for an adjustment of the line) and I could go back to work and my Hamburger Helper which I had packed with me.

I was in emergency for 30 hours. During that time I learned that:

If ever you were wondering what was under the wrapping on my arm, this is it. Note the well formed hole where the PICC line enters. If I am lucky, it will be removed in less than two weeks. It's been there since June 6 and I am getting tired of it.

Yesterday I had delicious spaghetti (singular: spaghetto. did you know that?) at Pizza Napoletane. It was what people who've been to Italy call "real spaghetti". I could eat less than half of before I had to stop. I had it put into a doggy bag and left with a satisfied Rose, who enjoyed a very pretty pizza. That was yesterday around 12:30 pm.

It is 10:15 am Sunday morning and I haven't eaten anything (except two cans of Ensure, if you call that eating) since then.

Christ, if only weight loss were my goal. Symptoms are setting in very early. I STINK of chemicals. You should have smelled the shirt that I was in Thursday when I got my second round of chemo. Wow. And everything else smells much more than if did. If we had mice, I could smell them farting.

I've just prepared some eggs with toast. Good stuff, made just the way I like it. But when it comes to eating it, I have to undergo a process, because food is actually a little repulsive now.

1. Concentrate on the bite to eat. It's GOOD. You know it's good.
   
2. Get it into your mouth. You can do it. Just slowly get it in there.
   
3. Add some toast. Or egg if toast was the first bite.
   
4. What now? Oh yes. Chew. Come on, chew. Keep going. Chew and taste. You can still taste how good it is. You still have your sense of taste. Keep going. Chew.
   
5. And here's the hard part. Swallow. I know how comfortable it feels in your mouth just sitting there. It never seems to get annoying, does it? But that's because your mouth is lying to you right now. You have to force it to do what needs doing. Besides, it's been nearly a day since you've eaten solid food. Think of the stomach satisfaction when that first bite hits the stomach. Mmmm. So just...swallow that bite. It's the best thing.
   And don't fucking vomit.
   
6. Repeat until done.

I am still trying to get it down. (Need more toast with this egg. Damnit, I wish I had some juice.) I hope that I can get other things down today. And here I was thinking that I was more of less okay. Cumulative effect indeed. Can't wait until my third round.

I just can't believe how much this sucks, and it's only the beginning. So much for a positive attitude. And my poor team at work is there all weekend. I have good reasons for being here, and I don't regret that, but I feel bad for them working on a weekend/holiday. I can't even check up on them because for some reason I cannot access my computer.

Aaanyway.

My hair started coming loose on June 19. That is, it was there, attached to my head, but barely. Since then I have tried to deny the progression of this particular side effect, but it was only a matter of time before that would become impossible.

The following clickable pictures show how my hair gradually disappeared as I was pulling it out. I am now more bald than I have ever been. There are very few people that I keep in regular contact with that knew me when I was bald before. It didn't quite look like this. I look...older.

To see the video accompanying these photos, click here. You should find the rest of the parts in the links at the sides. If anyone can help with the bad sync job between the audio and video, please do.

Wow, I feel a lot better. Physically, I feel fine except for one small thing: Candida albicans. All up in my mouth. I wish I had taken a picture of it at its worst. It devastated my tongue (especially the back), throat area, inner cheeks, pretty much everything. But it was nowhere near this bad (warning: graphic).

For those of you not familiar with Candida albicans, it's a yeast infection. Like the ones down there. But it's in my mouth. EWW!

UPDATE: I may have spoken too soon about being perfectly fine...ugh.

Now that I am armed with Nystatin and Magic Mouthwash, this C. albicans is quickly losing its bid for control of my mouth.

A week ago I felt hopeful, confident and happy. Now I am sore, weak and in pain. These fucking side effects are for the birds. As of this morning I have lost 23 pounds, and about 7 since last Thursday when the chemo started.

Some people have asked about how I am doing. Here's a rundown.

Wednesday the 6th: PICC line insertion. It was fun at the time. Yulblog. I was there. Several of you saw me. I looked pretty good, didn't I?

Thursday the 7th: Chemo. It was placid and tranquil, like a clear lake on a sunny afternoon. But seriously, it was perfectly fine. Rose and Sujerin were there. It took all day, but it was a nice day. They gave me my bag of 5FU, which fed a me constant stream of it over five days.

Friday the 8th: Woke up feeling like a million bucks. By 10:30, I felt like $10 000. But the day went fine. Sebastien was in town from Manila! The three of us checked out one of the Fringe Festival shows and then hit up Mile End, where we were commenting on other patrons. We were the only people there over 30. Or even close.

Saturday the 9th: I worked until five. Then it was tea with Sujerin, Sebastien, Rose and Petunia. I continued to feel more or less fine. I had a wonderful time. I then got a call from one of my drunken nephews who were in town and wanted to party. I told them that I would meet them for breakfast in the morning.

Sunday the 10th: Walked and walked and walked and walked. Walked to breakfast, then to Tam-Tams, then home. Which is alot when you're doing chemo and with a child that doesn't like walking that much. I was tired, but again, fine.

Monday the 11th: My boss is too sick to come to work, so I am trying my best to keep things under control so we can deliver the game. I feel less fine, but I can work. Food starts to taste REALLY bad. Here's where I pretty much stop eating.

Tuesday the 12th: Same thing. I start to feel more weak, and food tastes worse.

I just realized: I don't mind being bald, as I was bald for years before having hair. But I will be cancer bald. That's quite different. That may change some things...