Cancer: January 2008 Archives

Pessimistic

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Tomorrow is my supposedly final scan that will determine if there is still cancer in my body, and a meeting with my surgeon Friday, so I assume that they will hurry up and get the results to me by then. I woke up today with a restrictive feeling in my throat. Experience tells me that eating would be painful right now, so I think that I will forget about that this morning.

I fully expect that I will receive news that I have a massive regrowth of the tumour, or at the very least, they will find trace amounts of what could be cancer, and so the best course of action would be to impose another scorched earth policy on my body. I feel that this is the best thing that awaits me. Which of course means more missed work, more depression causing more stress at home, etc.

I find a lame symbolism in today's rain.

Self Promises

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I am posting this blind, without reading it. It comes from my surgeon's secretary, who is very spiritually oriented.

Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think of only the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet.

To give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words but in great deeds.

To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

Misfortune lies in our perception of things, not in the things themselves. Never complain, no matter what you have to endure. Whining merely tests other people’s patience. But courage in the face of adversity wins universal admiration.

UPDATE: Ok, I finally read it. I used to be much better at these things, but maybe I had never really been tested. I agree with all of these things in principle, but principles are nothing without practice. (That reminds me, I need to eat much better than I have been. The time to eat anything I want just to gain calories is over.)

The determinant

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I have my PET scan on January 31 at 1:30. MGH, D5129.

I really hope that there is a positive result.

I feel something strange where the tumour was. I shouldn't feel anything there. It could be reflux or something, but I dunno. I need January 31 to come quickly.

2007 wrapup

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Only two things really happened to me this year. I made a career transition, and it went even better than I thought it could. Video game project management? That's pretty crazy. I got a copy of my game and showed it to my family. I showed them my name in the credits and it was very gratifying. But as big as that was, it's nothing compared to the drama that started on May 3. It's hard to do a wrap up when your year is like this. I'll try. It's easier when you have an archived blog.

January: I thought 2006 was bad. I was disappointed and worried about not getting a job offer, but it all worked out in the end.

February: More high hopes that were later dashed.

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About this Archive

This page is a archive of entries in the Cancer category from January 2008.

Cancer: October 2007 is the previous archive.

Cancer: February 2008 is the next archive.

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