Colonial mentality and me
I just finished reading a short article about colonial mentality in the Philippines and Latin America. Here's a passage:
The biased favouritism responsible for their overwhelming presence in film and television is deeply rooted on established Filipino "Ideals of Beauty" that are determine based on the possession of at least partial European ancestry, an ideal that stems from colonial concepts first introduced by over 300 years of Spanish colonial rule, then by a further generation of Anglo-American occupation.
I learned fairly early on a few things about my own ancestry compared to those of my peers that mainly revolved around limited access to information. First, I assumed that I was descended from slaves, and therefore any documentation about them would likely be non-existent; essentially limited to how much my parents knew about their own families. Second, it was obvious (to a young me) that I had some recent white ancestors (I'll post pics of my mother and brother at some point), so if I wanted any information beyond 2-3 generations, I would find it on that side. As a result, in later years, I believed that this, as well as with other reasons that deserve their own post, resulted in me placing slightly more value in my white ancestry than my black ancestry: I assumed that I would have more information about myself through them.
But I also wonder if, when I was a teenager, I also placed a premium on that part of my family because it provided me with a legitimacy that the rest of my ancestry likely didn't have. Black people were still an Other when I grew up. Not to be despised and literally spit upon like when my sister grew up in Canada, but more like a patronized child with occasional abuse. (Ah, the colorblindness of the 80s!) I was the first of my branch of the extended family to be born in Canada. By saying that I was part-white, even though I didn't say it to many people, it was a way of pretending that I was not as much of an Other as, say, my brother, who I will write about extensively soon.
I have been criticized, mainly by white people but occasionally from black people, that I have adopted too many white habits. It's rather hard to "be authentic", whatever the FUCK that means, when you are born here, haven't been back there in 31 years, and your parents want to assimilate as much as possible. It's not like I haven't done well here; I have. So I wonder which people could be referred to as having been colonialized. Does that describe me? Or would I have to live in an actually be more intimately acquainted with a culture whose erosion I witnessed with my own eyes? My parents and brothers don't appear to have been colonialized as far as them having given up their identities, but my sisters are a different story. They appear to have almost completely rejected their ethnicity (although one of them seems to whip it out when it suits her, which she doesn't seem to do in any ethically questionable way).
I wonder to what extent me and my siblings have internalized the white aesthetic as being the only one.
Your last sentence begs the question of "what is the 'white aesthetic'?"
I've always been of the opinion (not fully baked) that the aesthetic and mannerisms that are generally grouped as "white" or "black" are more about class than race. It just happens that when those aesthetics were coming into being, there were more white people in the upper classes and more black people in the lower classes.
This is way beyond what can be discussed in blog comments. Social media FAIL. ;-)
"more about class than race"
Every time I hear that phrase, it sounds like a dodge to me. I agree that intersectionality should never be overlooked. But downplaying the existence of a dominating (and ultimately harmful) white aesthetic is a bit like downplaying the role of anti-Semitism when discussing anti-Jewish bias, just more blatant.
I don't mind discussing these thing in comments, though. If you like, maybe you can respond more fully with a blog entry of your own. :)