Cancer that you can see
I would like to direct you to some pictures of myself I took a few minutes ago. People often say to me that I don't look sick, or that I look pretty good. With all my whining, maybe they expect something more disturbing.
In this picture, you can see the right side of my neck here (left side of the picture). It's normal. There's a straight line down from my jawline.
Not quite the same in this picture. Can you see the large bulge on the left side of my neck (right side of photo)? This isn't even the best angle to really see it; there's a fairly large component coming out of the screen towards you. This is a large series of metastatic tumours in my neck that started in my esophagus. That's cancer you can see. I am so obsessed with these ones that the ones in my abdomen don't even register on my radar.
*sigh* Maybe I should just go back to blogging about race.
Addendum: I should mention that without this latest round of chemo I would be in unimaginable pain and unable to move my neck at all. The tumour size would be much bigger and the pain from not being able to move my neck (moving to my back and elsewhere) could have eventually prevented even walking.
In this picture, you can see the right side of my neck here (left side of the picture). It's normal. There's a straight line down from my jawline.
Not quite the same in this picture. Can you see the large bulge on the left side of my neck (right side of photo)? This isn't even the best angle to really see it; there's a fairly large component coming out of the screen towards you. This is a large series of metastatic tumours in my neck that started in my esophagus. That's cancer you can see. I am so obsessed with these ones that the ones in my abdomen don't even register on my radar.
*sigh* Maybe I should just go back to blogging about race.
Addendum: I should mention that without this latest round of chemo I would be in unimaginable pain and unable to move my neck at all. The tumour size would be much bigger and the pain from not being able to move my neck (moving to my back and elsewhere) could have eventually prevented even walking.
Whining? Dang, boy, you're one of the few who has legit reasons to bitch! Never mind the weather (it happens every year, you morons!), the economy (up, down, up down, been that way all over for 5000 years) or the government(s) (all the same, ya know, rock and hard place and all that). Bitch, whine, have a tantrum, throw a hissy-fit, destroy something; be upset, pissed, hysterical, yell, curse; if anyone is offended by these actions, kick them in the shins - hard (make sure you have boots on, tho lol). Who knows, maybe you'll sleep better... :)
We understand about the kind of cancer you "can't see," but you definitely don't need photos or proof for how you're feeling and what you're going through. That being said, it must take things up to a new level, even if only mentally, to see some change like that...wow - I had no idea. Thanks for sharing, Alston, and letting us into your world. Missing you these days...take care, man. - bonnie
The stuff of a whole genre of horror flicks.
I know that you guys understand, Bonnie. I wanted to let others to haven't seen it to actually get a sense of what is happening; in my case it's something that you can see GROWING IN MY BODY. It's a little grotesque, really, and that's why I wanted to post it.
Also, I get pissed off often, and this is a side effect. I bet my shrink would like to hear more about that.
Tu sais, tant que tu n'annonces pas clairement que tu es complètement guéri, tout le monde se doute que tu vis encore des hauts et des bas. J'ai une autre amie qui vit avec un cancer et dès qu'elle va un peu mieux tout le monde lui dit, "tu as donc l'air bien, wow!"... Au fond, nous souhaitons pour elle et pour toi que vous répondiez par magie : "oui, je sais, je me sens tellement mieux, j'en suis sorti". C'est du wishful thinking. Take care.
La vérité et que je ne suis pas du tout certain de ce qui va se passer d'un jour à l'autre. C'est vraiment pêle-mêle (si c'est la bonne orthographe) mes émotions. J'essaie d'apprécier les bons moments où je me sens normal. Ben c'est clair que c'est du wishful thinking si un moment donné on dit que tout va aller mieux d'ici la fin de mes jours, qui serait en 2060, genre.
Bonjour Alston,
Courage dans cette épreuve. L'ayant vécu de très près je mesure toute ta ténacité.
Bises
Carole
Bretagne France