Have you ever thought about masculinity? The more I read about it, the weaker it actually seems to me. It makes me think of the Emperor's new clothes; strong, majestic and noble, yet when you look directly at it, ridiculous and with no substance.
The thing about men and masculinity (as opposed to women and masculinity; some women have it, but it doesn't define them), is that although independence is often thought of as being part of masculinity, the truth is that is depends on women and other men to have any meaning at all. It depends on how much you can control and subordinate others, particularly women and female stand-ins. This largely explains why men are so often the perpetrators of violence against women, "lesser" men and children (although women are very often the violent ones, make no mistake). This explains why so many men insist that they have the final word on important decisions, because otherwise, they wouldn't feel as though they had any value in the running of the home. So much happens because men feel as though they have or don't have enough masculinity. It so important, yet can be so easily taken away, whether it be by women or by societal institutions (think: black American men and systemic discrimination, a topic too large to really get into here.).
In short, men can't be men without women to make them feel like men.
It must seem so silly to some women that the notion of appearing to be or feel like a man is so important to some men that they will literally do anything to achieve that masculinity. And I mean, ANYTHING. Some will sexually assault women because they threatened their authority, also known as manhood. (I've always slightly bristled at the term "manhood" in reference to one's penis, as though it is the sum total of a man.). Some will engage in violence for the same reason. Defending one's manhood is a little like defending one's honour. When you read about the things some people will do for it, you shake your head and wonder how it could possibly be that important.
I suppose you could say that femininity depends on others as well. Some women will do anything to be a mother, for example, including kidnapping and murder. It does happen. But in general, it seems more innate and less fluid than masculinity. Of course, this could simply seem that way because of female gender theorists that too easily criticize masculinity, but have little to say on how fragile femininity might be. I would have to do more research on that.
The thing about men and masculinity (as opposed to women and masculinity; some women have it, but it doesn't define them), is that although independence is often thought of as being part of masculinity, the truth is that is depends on women and other men to have any meaning at all. It depends on how much you can control and subordinate others, particularly women and female stand-ins. This largely explains why men are so often the perpetrators of violence against women, "lesser" men and children (although women are very often the violent ones, make no mistake). This explains why so many men insist that they have the final word on important decisions, because otherwise, they wouldn't feel as though they had any value in the running of the home. So much happens because men feel as though they have or don't have enough masculinity. It so important, yet can be so easily taken away, whether it be by women or by societal institutions (think: black American men and systemic discrimination, a topic too large to really get into here.).
In short, men can't be men without women to make them feel like men.
It must seem so silly to some women that the notion of appearing to be or feel like a man is so important to some men that they will literally do anything to achieve that masculinity. And I mean, ANYTHING. Some will sexually assault women because they threatened their authority, also known as manhood. (I've always slightly bristled at the term "manhood" in reference to one's penis, as though it is the sum total of a man.). Some will engage in violence for the same reason. Defending one's manhood is a little like defending one's honour. When you read about the things some people will do for it, you shake your head and wonder how it could possibly be that important.
I suppose you could say that femininity depends on others as well. Some women will do anything to be a mother, for example, including kidnapping and murder. It does happen. But in general, it seems more innate and less fluid than masculinity. Of course, this could simply seem that way because of female gender theorists that too easily criticize masculinity, but have little to say on how fragile femininity might be. I would have to do more research on that.
I do make a slight distinction between masculinity and machismo though. Men whom I'd qualify as being "masculine", are, interestingly enough, the ones least likely to bother with pissing contests. Stranger still, they possess qualities we often attribute to the feminine (warmth, down-to-earthness etc.,)
As for femininity - what does it mean to be "feminine", exactly?
By trite standards (motherhood, sweetness, tact) I am the antithesis of "feminine". I have so many archetypal masculine traits, yet I rarely feel "unwomanly". Puzzling.
Nice digs.
I disagree about femininity being more innate than masculinity. After all, looking feminine can be extremely constraining even for a feminine woman. For example, what it takes to be considered feminine often has nothing to do with how much of a woman I feel. The expectations to look a certain way, to be attractive in a certain manner, have no relationship to how I may feel as a woman.
At the same time, femininity can depend on other people just as much as masculinity can depend on others. Consider that if you can't attract a man or men, you will not be considered really feminine enough and all kinds of books, other women and your mother will make suggestions as to how you could appear more feminine in order to grab that man that has been eluding you. And the pressure if you don't choose motherhood!