Spoke with the oncologist today. They have decided to give me the FOLFIRI protocol, which is MUCH less brutal than the TCF protocol that I had before. Instead of spending the day in the hospital, I will spend 2 hours hooked up. Instead of a large fanny pack with 500 mL of 5FU over 5 days, I will have much less of it in a smaller non-mechanical delivery system (it's quite ingenious) over less than 2 days. I expect to be at work the whole time. One funny side effect is that men often lose their head hair, but not their facial hair. Maybe I sport a Shaft look. Or maybe I should not exacerbate the Mandingo stereotype, which is pretty much what Shaft does in my opinion.
I told the doctor and the nurse that since I am in much better mental and emotional condition that I could likely withstand a stronger protocol this time around. They decided to give me something moderate rather than extreme because I reacted so poorly last time around. I hope that they are not making a mistake by giving me something that is weak because I was such a baby last time. (Well, it WAS pretty fucking brutal. It was.) I don't see why we should prolong this any longer than it needs to be prolonged.
There is another patient about my age with the exact same situation. Same cancer, same surgery, same surgeon, same protocol. His mental space was apparently worse than mine. He is also saying that he doesn't think that he can continue with the chemotherapy. He's exactly where I was at the beginning of December, but there is a difference. He's had a very negative attitude throughout the whole ordeal. He also had some complications from surgery, but by and large, our experiences have been identical. I am told, though, that the difference between him and me is that my attitude has been, over all, much better than his, but specifically it's because he's never really lived on his own, nor was he raised to do this.
I find this interesting. Does this mean that those that left home earlier are generally better able to deal with adversity of pretty much any kind? I left home to go to university when I was 17 and have only lived at home during the summers between school years. Further, I instilled in myself the expectation that I would go to university and take care of my own affairs. Maybe I would be in the other guy's position now if things had been different. He's apparently more depressed and scared than I am. He's frightened, actually. I wish I could help him. There has been lots of talk about how coddled young people are. Maybe it's true. I mean, I suppose since everyone is going to university, they are living at home longer and longer, but what effect is this having?
On another, scarier front, it seems that my superpowers are quickly evaporating. Ugh...
Yes, people who are strong willed and independent face adversity better than the coddled. If you had a hard life, the harder it gets, the simpler it gets to deal with it it seems. That's my theory.
Hang in there man.
Shaft was still cool ;-)
Firstly, I always thought you looked pretty cool with the shaved head. I think that the facial hair and bald look a la Shaft would suit you.
I hope that this round of treatment works well along with making you suffer less. I check in here every day to keep an eye on you and what's up with you. I am glad to see how much support you have and I am sure that it adds to your strength.
I can tell you from experience that being independent and less coddled makes you tougher and more able to deal with the crap that comes your way. The young ones today seem extremely spoiled and it makes me wonder how they will ever survive on their own let alone with some of the surprises that life sends their way. I really try to instill independence in my kids. I provide for them and I even save for their education but they have responsibilities and I feel that they understand how hard I have worked to provide for them. Not that they worry or need to worry, but that they attach some sort of value to it. Enough of my blathering on though.
Be well.
You do chemo and go to work at the same time? Surely you're wasting a great excuse to stay at home and watch Buffy re-runs.
Seriously, I hope everything gets zapped and the side effects remain minimal. Big hug!
Andrea: I'm glad that you are able to instill this in them, and even happier that they appear to get it. How old are they now, 9 and 10?
Maggie: I don't think that I can afford to stay at home right, for various reasons that I am not covering here. Anyway, I shouldn't need any time home, but if I do, I intend to work anyway.
Actually, they're 10 & 11!!! I can't believe it.
By the way, I passed the first of two exams for the Canadian Securities Course and I did better than I thought I would! Glad to get that out of the way before our trip to Jamaica in April! I can't wait!