Somebody save me...
I thought I would try to play poker on Facebook, but naturally it's DOWN. At least chemo is over for now. Unfortunately I can't go back to work until next month instead of next week because of chemo scheduling and the fact the it kicked the living shit out of me this time around. I knew it would be bad this time.
Time is moving so SLOOOOOOWLY. Either that or I am moving at light speed. I remember taking trips to the supermarket that would last 60-90 minutes, and now I am back in half an hour, leaving all the more time to kill. And that's most of what I do these days. Killing time. Part of why I was taking sleeping pills in the past few days was just to make the next day happen faster. It's like I wake up so that I can go to sleep at night, or whenever. Of course, one major reason for that is that that would mean that chemo would be over that much sooner. Another reason is that I had slept (from boredom) in the afternoon and couldn't sleep at night.
If a sign of depression is that the things that interest you no longer do, then I am certainly depressed, or at least showing signs of it. I am looking forward to telling this to my shrink on Friday.
In years past, this time of year should see me at my best and brightest. Alstember, I have recently dubbed it. It ranges from about October 21 to November 20, around the Scorpio cycle. I used to be able to do anything. I could make money, meet women, do well at work, travel. Anything I wanted to do. In the last several years there has always been something to kill that strength. It's probably just me, as these things usually are. There wasn't some kind of magical power in the universe that made me Superman around my birthday, it was just all in my head. But still, it felt like magic, and that magic is gone. For good reason this year, but still. There's always some damn reason.
Chances of making it to Yulblog tonight ~ 30%.
UPDATE: That took all of 4 minutes to complete. Many hours to go before I sleep...
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