November 2007 Archives

Most people I know have interesting lives as far as I am concerned. Currently, I can't say that I have an interesting life, but then I can't say that it is boring, either. I do some things I like, but they aren't as satisfying as they once were, for obvious reasons. Certain things in my life have dropped off to absolutely zero. I spend a lot of time staring at nothing, or pacing back and forth. I guess I just answered my own unasked question.

What do you think? Do you have an interesting life, generally speaking? Are you satisfied with the amount of whatever kind of stimulation you are looking for, be it in work, play or other? If it isn't interesting, what could you do to make it more so?

I forgot to mention: three months ago today my life changed. At this time, I was waking up in my hospital room from surgery. The three month mark is where you can expect to start eating normally, and I am happy to report that I have been doing so for more than three weeks now.

An hour after getting the chemo pump removed and I already feel a little better.

A friend in Japan has sent me a book called The Enzyme Factor. It is a book by a Japanese doctor that has treated cancer and gastrointestinal patients for forty years. His theory is that gastrointestinal health determines health in other areas; that is, if we aren't healthy there, we won't be healthy anywhere. Further, he believes that enzymes are the key to this health. He thinks that the specialized enzymes we see all the time come from a source enzyme that specializes only when needed, and that we have a limited number of them at any given time. It's similar to stem cell theory. Reading the beginning of this book is like reading a detailed list of the things I did wrong to put me in the situation I am in now, which is dreading the last five days of chemo, scheduled for next month.

According to the author, it's all about what you eat and drink. This should not come as any surprise as we've been hearing it for years. But look at this: it's entirely possible that my cancer started developing as soon as I started eating meat again a couple of years ago and started drinking Eastern teas, both green and black. So perhaps in order to avoid a relapse, I should avoid meat, among other things. I don't know. I'll finish the book and get back to you. But I have to say that I am not keen on the last round of chemo. I don't even believe in it; I may simply not do it. It's not like they can strap me down and force me. We'll see.

When's the last time you vomited and why?

And we'll see how the anti-vomit pills (and suppositories) work this time. And it's time to shave again. Being cancer bald was fine in the late summer/fall. Not looking forward to it this time.

Last night I felt ill in anticipation; this morning I gagged. I came home with more pills than before as well as a puke bag. I'm not the best person for taking all his meds on time, but you can bet that I will be vigilant, at least for the next five days anyway.

I better news, all my papers and such are where they should be, so I will continue to get paid as well as go back to work part time on December 3, the Monday after next. The following week, Rose gets her promotion and starts working days. Now those are things to get happy about.

I feel ill already.

Not Proust. Prust. Available online.

Here is a game from JeuxFilles.fr where you have to make sure that the cat does not escape. I don't know how to do this, so if anyone out there can figure it out, please let me know.

By the way, I didn't find the site. Petunia did. I don't normally care about girls' games.

I have started posting over there again. I hope to have more things to say there in the near future.

Originally from May 12, 2005:

There's something I've been meaning to say, but always forgot about for some reason (maybe because it's not that important). I was lying on the bed with Rose last night talking about something or other when I felt the need to admit something to another human being.

I don't like salad. In fact, I really can't stand salad, and I don't care who knows it.

We live in a bullshit salad culture where everyone just assumes that you want a green salad, Caesar salad, fancy salad with your meal. But I don't want any of that. I wish I could go to a restaurant and only pay for what I want. The main dish with no fucking salad. Because it's just a waste of the chef's time, a waste of food and a waste of my plate's real estate.

But I don't know how long it will last this way.

I am back to my original layout, because the Stella layout was too hard to debug. I'll get it back eventually, or maybe something different, not sure. I would like to take advantage of all the blog functionality in MT4, but this seems very difficult.

Oh, and comments don't work yet unless you register. I'm working on it, but if you do register, you won't have the hassles of not knowing if the comment posted or not. Up to you.

There are some things that are broken, as you can see. This is the only way that the site can be legible for the moment. Please be patient. I will also likely require signing in before leaving comments.

Sex is like murder; it gets easier after the first time.

Why do they make doors in buildings that they have no intention of ever letting you use?

sheila
Originally uploaded by JonasParker

The same age as when Jesus died for your fucking sins, you damn heathens. If I make it to next year, I'll have done something that not even the son of God could do. Heh.

It started 8 days ago. Rose and I decided to have tea. I thought it was my idea, but little did I know that I was to be treated to a surprise! Tea started out normally, but then she asked me about the car and goats problem. I should have smelled something funny at this point since I know she doesn't care about it at all, but I indulged in explaining it to her. This, of course, was a distraction; she didn't want me to idly look up and see what the hostesses were preparing. Which was my favourite pie, lemon meringue! It was followed by teacups hand made from local artists Maude Blais and Sheila Caplan. Click the picture to see better.

November 8 was a great day. I had lunch with zura and Suj at Olive et Gourmando in Old Montreal. I couldn't finish the Nouveau Chèvre sandwich, but it was still delicious. Then Suj and I went off shopping to find me an awesome toaster oven. I should toss my regular oven, because this thing rocks. It works better than the conventional one. Afterwards, Suj became my personal porter and lugged the thing all the way to NDG where we visited Krystal at her work, Shaika Cafe. She makes a mean ho cho.

I had to run back home because I needed to drop stuff off and then go to the local CLSC to learn how to fill my Neupogen syringes (two a day, plus one for Tinzaparin, yay!), and later that evening it was drinks with the gang (Sujerin, zura and Krystal) at the Irish Embassy pub. Photos from that evening are in K-Dawg's hands, so I can't show anything right now, but I will say that I am proud to have had 2 full pints AND baby pork ribs. Impressive for a guy with only 3/4 of a stomach and 3/20 of an esophagus. St. Patty's, here I come!

Speaking of which, I am happy to say that I am recovering pretty well. Now that chemo is over, I can reap the benefits of being 2 and a half months post surgery. Eating is approaching normal with normal results. Things are finally starting to look really good.

Somebody save me...

I thought I would try to play poker on Facebook, but naturally it's DOWN. At least chemo is over for now. Unfortunately I can't go back to work until next month instead of next week because of chemo scheduling and the fact the it kicked the living shit out of me this time around. I knew it would be bad this time.

Time is moving so SLOOOOOOWLY. Either that or I am moving at light speed. I remember taking trips to the supermarket that would last 60-90 minutes, and now I am back in half an hour, leaving all the more time to kill. And that's most of what I do these days. Killing time. Part of why I was taking sleeping pills in the past few days was just to make the next day happen faster. It's like I wake up so that I can go to sleep at night, or whenever. Of course, one major reason for that is that that would mean that chemo would be over that much sooner. Another reason is that I had slept (from boredom) in the afternoon and couldn't sleep at night.

If a sign of depression is that the things that interest you no longer do, then I am certainly depressed, or at least showing signs of it. I am looking forward to telling this to my shrink on Friday.

In years past, this time of year should see me at my best and brightest. Alstember, I have recently dubbed it. It ranges from about October 21 to November 20, around the Scorpio cycle. I used to be able to do anything. I could make money, meet women, do well at work, travel. Anything I wanted to do. In the last several years there has always been something to kill that strength. It's probably just me, as these things usually are. There wasn't some kind of magical power in the universe that made me Superman around my birthday, it was just all in my head. But still, it felt like magic, and that magic is gone. For good reason this year, but still. There's always some damn reason.

Chances of making it to Yulblog tonight ~ 30%.

UPDATE: That took all of 4 minutes to complete. Many hours to go before I sleep...

As part of my recovery, I have to undergo chemotherapy again. Nine weeks. Except this time, I'm weakened, I've already vomited twice three times four times since Friday and my inner mouth lining is quickly disappearing. I should have thrush again sometime in the next few days. I don't feel like doing anything I like to do. I am supposed to have this chemo bag removed Wednesday, but I doubt I will make it to Yulblog. I just feel like ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag, as they say.

Wish I had something more interesting to say.

UPDATE: I got an early birthday present from Rose today! Pictures to come. This day is not nearly as shitty as it started out to be. FYI, the actual birthday is THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 8.