Thanksgiving

My emotions have been extremely dark and angry of late, and I uncharacteristically have been taking them out of Rose. It's normal in a way, I suppose, just due to proximity. But still, it hasn't been terribly easy just dealing with other people normally. Instead of leaving early the next morning, I ended up in St. Leonard, then back at home screaming my head off. THEN I left to pick up a package in Brossard, and then I went to Brockville, getting there at 6:15 pm instead of 11 am they way I wanted to. I even started yelling at my poor dad, who had nothing to do with anything. I simply cannot deal with anything that I dislike or that annoys me even just a little bit.

A year and a half ago, I lent my nephew a limited edition version of a video game. I decided that it had been long enough and that I wanted it back. The bonehead figured that it would be okay to lend it to his irresponsible and spoiled friend, which is why he hasn't had it in his possession in more than a year. I gave him a week to come up with the game before I arrived, but all he came up with were excuses as to why he didn't have it, including his sister always taking the car without asking anyone, leaving him unable to go get the game. And we'll forget the fact that perhaps the friend should have brought it back to him instead since he's the borrower.

My nephew is known to police for a very stupid incident involving a starter pistol and that fucking friend of his. The friend got off because he's the stepson of the head of the drug investigation agency in Brockville. My nephew, however, wasn't so lucky, mainly because he is my brother's son, and there are people that simply will do anything to get at my brother, even if he no longer lives in this country. My nephew has been on an 8 pm curfew for two years. He's 22 on November 1, so you can imagine how hard that has been for him. Anyway, he had just gotten out of prison for breach of curfew when I got to town. Due to more stupidity (he isn't very bright, as you may have guessed) he got caught again for breach. 3rd offence, so he stays in prison until the court date for the original crime. So now he has a wonderful excuse for not getting my stuff back. (By the way, although I am pissed off that my game is now in the hands of some punk, I am more pissed off that he's in jail and unlikely to get out for some time. And that's a whole other story.) All this to say that my weekend was frustrating for different reasons.

The next morning (Sunday) I got a call from Rose saying that she had packed her things and was ready to leave. Her reasons were that she has too much to lose if I am insane; that there are too many balls in the air. When things are stressful between us, it affects all other aspects of her life, unlike me who can isolate problems easily. This means that if things were to continue this way, she risks having to drop out of school or losing her job, or both. She would have to drop one of the balls, and that ball would be me. I had to respect this decision; it made perfect sense to me, although I opposed it completely for my own reasons. (I wonder if that makes me selfish?) I was lucky; she could not find a place to live so she could move out that very day. I asked her to give me a week to settle myself. She consented and things are relatively stable now.

I am thankful for Rose and her ability to forgive, as well as her caretaking and love. I am thankful that my family is there to welcome and support me whenever I need it. And of course, I am thankful for my friends as well. These three worlds come together to really give me what I need to recover in all relevant ways. Thank you.