This picture was taken last night around 8:30 pm (Click to enlarge. Warning: popup.) You can try to describe how I look in this picture. No matter what you describe, I'm sure it won't include words like "happy" or "healthy". In fact, I am neither in this picture. I am miserable these days, and this morning I figured out more precisely why. I am 173.5 pounds. I am not been this light since high school; not even my last year, but maybe my second-to-last year. (By the way, does anyone reading this have any familiarity with OACs, or Grade 13? 80s and 90s young Ontario, represent!)
As I type this, I feel nauseous. I really feel in danger of vomiting. I am trying to eat two packets of Quaker Oats. It's good, a little too sweet, though. I've eaten half of it so far. It doesn't look as though it will get finished, as much as I want to finish it. I feel weak and a little dizzy. I really need to keep this food down, not just because I need the nutrients, but because puking is very very bad for someone with innards like mine.
This morning I woke up at 5 am with major back pain. You see, I cannot lie all the way down because the bile and stomach acid will travel to places where they shouldn't. I don't have a valve to prevent this anymore, you see. I need lots and lots of pillows propping me up. I can't lie on my sides, either, because I am still sore. I actually did try to lie all the way down, which resulted in severe, groaning pain for several long minutes. Bad idea jeans.
I am probably paying the price for pushing it. I should remember that it hasn't even been two weeks since leaving the hospital. I should not be going downtown for any reason. I should not be going shopping. I should walk three or four blocks a day and that's it. I didn't realize how much walking there was in taking the metro downtown. I have to walk a good ways to get to the metro, then walk to the metro level, then walk some more if I switch lines, then walk to the bus, then walk wherever I want to go. It's VERY tiring.
Part of my overdoing has to do with the office party I attended last Thursday to celebrate the end of our project. I am still paying for that. I will try to make a post about that soon. I had a lot of fun, but it killed me for a few days.
My ability to eat seems to be random. Actually, maybe not so much anymore. Since Thursday, when I "pigged out" and was fine, it's been hard to consume much without feeling very sick afterwards. All of this combines to make for a depressed and sickly person. To help with the depression, I am going to go to a retreat this weekend for members of the Young Adults Cancer Group. I've been wanting to meet with this group for a long time now, but DVTs and work always got in the way. I really need to connect with people with similar experiences; it will help for those periods where I really feel down. I just hope that I can get enough rest beforehand.
So that's it for now. I wish I had something else to talk about other than pain and frustration.
Ugh. And *hug*. Don't know what else to say but "keep hanging in there". Hope the retreat will help a great deal.
Geeeeze man! That sucks. Hope you feel better soon. For the oatmeal, I buy Quaker packs too. I mix 1 plain with one flavored 'cause otherwise they're just too sweet! What about the Ensure? Maybe that'll help a bit with nutrients if you aren't already so sick and tired of that stuff.
I am thinking of you. Take care.
I can't seem to drink Ensure for some reason. Two or three sips and it's pain and dumps.
So, did you hear the bad news yet? (Not that you want to, of course.) Our dear WoT creator has passed away... Robert Jordan is no more. : (