Since taking the dream job, I have neither had the time nor the energy to blog. I could go on and on about this job, but I won't. At least not now. The end of term here (I just wrote an exam and I think I smoked it, meaning that I did well) and pressure is mounting at work. But that's not what I going to talk about today.
Since starting work, I have lost 11 pounds.
This actually has nothing to do with work. The timing is just a coincidence. For the past several years I have suffered from GERD. (GORD if you are British, which I find funny. Being British, that is. Just kidding.) The last time it really caused problems was four years ago. I ended up getting scoped (a detailed description of the event) and ended up not eating meat for nearly three years. I was at my heaviest then at 215 pounds. But I changed my diet and lost 20 pounds in four months. It worked out well; I thought that the ulcer was taken care of and that I was back to normal. But my GERD, as it was explained to me, was caused by an improperly functioning lower esophageal valve. Avoiding foods that give me acid reflux did nothing to repair the valve, if it even can be repaired. I should have thought of that before getting fully back on meat. Hindsight and all that.
Since January, the GERD has been coming back with a vengeance, although I basically forgot all about it until a few weeks ago. I have been having trouble swallowing, certain foods do not go down easily, I had difficulty burping and I just had a generally weird feeling. I should have realized that something might have been quite wrong in January when I was feeling quite bad after eating something. I felt so uncomfortable because after a few hours much of the food hadn't seemed to make it to my stomach. So I tried to make myself vomit by sticking my considerably long index finger down my throat. I gagged so much and so hard it I thought that I would pass out, but I continued. After about 15 minutes, I could barely even feel the discomfort of gagging. It was as though I got used to it. And of course, I produced nothing, so it was all a waste of time.
After this, I noticed that my burps...smelled quite badly. ESPECIALLY after just a sip of beer. The smell after beer was potentially destructive; I'm sure that I could have killed plants by burping on them. It felt as though my insides were necrotized. In addition to this, it was getting more and more difficult to burp.
At the same time I was developing upper back pain. My muscles were becoming increasingly tight. Now, January was the climax (in terms of crappiness) of a terrible year, and this could have been due to the stress of interviews, disappointment, money problems and so on, but I am not one to show many physical signs of stress.
Then, earlier this month, I lost the ability to burp almost completely. A simple under-the-breath burp which people do practically every time they eat or drink became almost impossible. That's when I noticed the link with the back. It feels as though whenever the gas doesn't escape, it reroutes to some other part of my body and causes pain there. I know that this is some kind of magical thinking, but whenever I have a particular flareup with one of these symptoms, the other flares up, too. I have since had trouble swallowing and I generally have a sore throat that cannot be cured by traditional means.
Last week the overall pain was so great that I was taking 6 Advil a day just to cope. Of course, pills get stuck for a long time, so the discomfort is magnified whenever I have a gelcap stuck in my throat for half an hour before melting enough to descend. I had to stop on doctor's orders: people like me should never be taking anything that is rough on the stomach. Luckily for me the pain seemed to subside around the same time and has been getting better since.
Now the real problem is that I am just hungry. I can't really eat. Anything. Yesterday at work I could barely function. I was woozy and had a really hard time concentrating on anything. Then a coworker gave me the wonderful idea of Ensure! Within ten minutes I was back to normal. I could think and move like a normal human being instead of a hungry zombie. Consequently I bought a case of strawberry Ensure and 12 cans of soup. I am on a liquid diet until further notice.
I have an appointment with another GI doctor to get scoped on Thursday. My discomfort is so profound that I am actually looking forward to it, even if the doctor is a brute like that last one. If I can't speak for a little while after that, he's the reason why.
I have wanted to lose a little weight lately, but this isn't how I wanted to do it. I feel like a weak teenager now. I have no muscles, no definition anywhere. Nothing. Writing this I feel a hundred times stronger than I did yesterday, I grant you, but when I look at myself in the mirror, it's a little scary.
Hopefully this will all be over soon. I will have to remember to ask for an H. pylori test this time. I won't risk esophageal cancer anymore.
I really, really hope this gets resolved swiftly and without incident. Chronic health issues are so hard, so very hard. Santé.
God, it all sounds miserable. Glad you're finally getting to a doctor, and hope all turns out well.
As of this morning, I have lost 13 pounds. By the end of the week, I could have lost as much as 18. I have found out more information about what I may have; perhaps I will post that information before I get scoped.
Wow, that sounds nasty. Take care of yourself. And avoid chocolate (apparently chocolate cases the lower esophageal sphincter to relax, which can be really nasty for GERD sufferers.)
Jesus!
Our last PM left the job due to a back injury. Since then, we've gone through 2 others (myself included) and now we've got you. Things have never been better so please get well soon as I'd like for nothing more than for you to break the project manager curse we seem to have.