Speaking of the finite, I learned some sad news yesterday. Someone I knew personally has died. He was 29.
Back when I lived with roommates from 1998 until 2001, there were a number of people that would stop by regularly for various activities. They would smoke pot, play board games, video games or just hang out. I have had the good fortune (or good social choices) to have hung out with some of very bright people. Andrew was one of them. Being exceptionally bright and in computer science, he was almost a cliché nerd, but mainly in the more positive ways. He was always "on" in terms of wit and brainy banter. It was so intense you could almost see the electrical currents in his mind, sometimes causing him to "spaz" out very briefly. These spazzes would occur so quickly that if your attention weren't fully on him, you could miss it.
Andrew and his then-girlfriend left for Texas about 7 years ago for some research opportunity there. I have seen and communicated with him about twice since then, once in 2001 and another in 2002. Add to this that I have not been in touch with this group of friends in some time (I choose not to play certain online video games, so I don't hear from them it seems), and it becomes more understandable that I didn't know that he came down with brain cancer about a year and a half ago. He died last Sunday, March 4. I would never have known if I hadn't decided to get pizza for Rose and I and take an unusual route home.
Death is all around us. As I get older, I suppose it will come closer to me. I imagine a single scythe-wielding spectre looming huge in the world, swinging a scythe randomly. Everyone is inexorably drawn to it. Those struck with the scythe disappear. The older you get, the closer you are to the culling blade, and the faster it swings. I guess this is part of getting older, seeing vague acquaintances go, then distant relatives of people you know followed by your own acquaintances. Next, it will be my own relatives, friends and other loved ones. I bet his wife never thought about having to bury him this soon. Maybe I will start combing the obituaries like my parents do. I think I now understand why. The scythe is so much closer for them.
Despite some of your eccentricities, I liked you Andrew. I'm truly saddened to see you go. You would have been a great old man.
So sorry to hear about this loss. :(
We cannot deny death it's final triumph, but, if there is ONE thing that consoles me - and this is something I feel so deeply, with every fibre of my being - it is that we must not, ever, take even the smallest thing for granted.
It is in that spirit of appreciation that we can align ourselves with the now - and therefore, the living.
Try not to spend too much time in that place where you are now... I know you are worried and grieving in advance for future losses (and Andrew)...but...try not to.
Thinking too much is not always a good thing. And that is something about which I have thought long and hard.
Very sad- as always, when someone so young passes. I was just watching Love Story yesterday, too, over some wine and got all weepy...
I'm so sorry; it's such a disillusioning feeling to lose someone your own age, but for what it's worth, that you took the time to reflect on the impact his passing has had on your own life was a really, really nice tribute.
My condolences, this year was the first year I've ever attended the funeral of a friend. It's never easy to deal with the loss of anyone, and when it's a contemporary it somehow draws the point home even stronger.
Thanks for all of your comments; I have to admit that although he and I weren't really close, it was jarring nonetheless.