I have always wished that "wan't" was the contraction for "will not" instead of "won't" so that I could say "I would if I could, but I can't, so I wan't."
This is ACTUALLY 100% true.
February 2007 Archives
They say that the body and the spirit are connected. If this is true, then when is it reasonable to say that one is a reflection of the other? For example, four years ago I was at my heaviest I have ever been. 215 pounds. Granted, I do wear my weight fairly well, and people tell me that I have a large enough frame to pull it off. But I felt sluggish and fat all the time. I had no energy to speak of. Nothing was particularly interesting. At the same time in my life, I was very bitter about life and women. I hated a major part of every day. My job was killing me, and what a relief when it was over. I felt that women weren't worth much of an investment since they seemed to only want two things from me then: sex or someone to talk to/at, without giving me much else. (And I have plenty of examples to support this, as I am sure many of you have about men.) Luckily Rose has been able to teach me otherwise.
Now, once again my weight is creeping upwards. I briefly broke 210 the other day. I was recently in an emotional downward spiral, but I think that I already bottomed out and am on the rise again. During the dark time, my weight crept up little by little. I hope that it goes back down again. The last time it happened was 2004, where I hit a low of 194. I felt pretty damn good, I must say.
So I wonder how much I should link my physical body to my spiritual well-being. Right now, my physical body has been giving me problems for a couple of months now, and the emoitional/spitiual self has only just started making a comeback. Maybe one depends on the other.
Is it true for you? If so, how so?
Look at this little guy! Captured him this morning on the way to work. One day he'll be helping a blind person lead a normal life.
Someone complained about him, though. The train stopped and two security people did a sweep of each car. The trainer explained that it was a seeing eye dog and everything was fine. I've never seen such a well-behaved puppy. Why would anyone complain about him?
I don't go for the traditional views of what is romantic all that much. I don't get very sentimental, but when I do, it's more intense than you might expect, especially for something that I am sure means very little to anyone else.
I LOVE this comic. I really think it's romantic and meaningful and I must struggle to get not get teary by thinking about it too much.
The body reminds us of our age, whenever we forget. I am struggling (feebly) against the slow but inexorable transformation into my 72-year-old father: formerly 5' 11½", 190 pounds, now 5' 10", 265 pounds. I need sleep that I never needed before. Aches and pains are starting to creep in. And my ass is enormous in my jeans. Okay, that last one I get from my mother.
Tagged. Red = done. Please ignore the bad formatting and special symbols.
01. Bought a round of drinks in a bar
02. Swam with dolphins in the ocean
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Drove a Ferrari
05. Visited the Great Pyramids
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a bath with someone in candlelight
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Played elastic (Apparently this is a children's game. I don't know it.)
Continue reading Done it?.
I didn't get THAT job, either.
I am going to stop talking about job opportunities until one of them pans out.
Inspired by this post. What is your most distinguishing physical trait?
I have very large hands. They are more than eight inches long from my wrist to the tip of my middle finger. Therefore, I need large or extra large gloves. Draw no other conclusions from this.
I have pretty big feet. Size 13D. Big shoes. Again, no other conclusions.
My tongue is pretty long, but I have only managed to touch my nose with it once or twice. Draw whatever conclusions from that as you wish.
Even more astounding is my wing span, or distance from the tip of one middle finger to the other with arms outstretched. This length is 2 metres, or about 6 feet 7 inches. They say that it is supposed to be your height, roughly, which means that I have 3 and a half extra inches on each arm. It's my favourite party trick.
But my most distinguishing physical trait? It probably depends on where I am, but it's the colour of my skin. The fact that I am black. People don't draw conclusions about what I am like because I have big hands. I don't think that anyone stares at me, looks at me askance or obviously and deliberately looks away because my arms nearly touch my knees. I have never heard of anyone flirting with me solely because I have a long tongue (although that might actually make sense, if they could knew somehow that I had a long tongue without me telling them).
That dark skin surely marks me as something else as surely as a giraffe that's only two feet tall. I am not complaining, necessarily, it's just, you know, true. I wanted to illustrate that certain things are completely different when you are not what is considered "normal", or "like everyone else". I am generally only considered that way AFTER someone meets me. Most people are considered that way BEFORE. And you should never, EVER underestimate how important that is in life.
I had that interview on Friday. I was the first person that they interviewed, which gives me mixed feelings. It's good because there is no one that I have to beat yet, and the interview would probably be easier this way. On the other hand, I don't get a chance to be clearly better than someone else before me, and I may not have really been able to show what I have to bring to the table since they may have been lobbing puffballs at me, rather than whipping hardballs. In any case, I will not get any kind of response until this Friday at the earliest, and I wouldn't be surprised if I had to have a second interview.
This is a problem, because today I started at zura's company. It was option #2. If I have to have a second interview, then I will ultimately have to call in sick or something. If I then get the job, then I simply suck. They will have trained and paid me for nothing. I would feel bad about that, but the hounds are at the door, I can't wait that long for cash, and I would much rather have the extra 50-60% in cash.
It was pretty difficult to truly accept that I have a job now. That I have to get up in the morning and go to work. I can get used to this again, of course, but this morning it felt as though I was going to a seminar or something. Nothing to get excited about. And as I anticipated, they weren't ready for me, so I am sitting here, well, blogging. There isn't anyone available to actually train me for the moment. I don't even have the software to get started. But once I have that, I know that it will become interesting as hell.
Just ran into Leonard Cohen on boulevard St-Laurent, near his house. I nodded and smiled hello. He nodded back, graciously. Yep, I'm feeling pretty slick right now.
Anyway, I have an interview to become a project administrator tomorrow. I think my chances here are much better than at that video game company. Some references have already been called, and those calls went well. As stated, they already know that I don't have the five years experience, and that they aren't going to find anyone with anywhere near that level of experience. Such people are already either project coordinators, managers, control officers or something other than a lowly administrator on a contract for one year. I think that my chances aren't bad, but since I am well acquainted with disappointment, I have no expectations here whatsoever.
Maybe I should have had Saint Leonard bless me or something.
P.S.: I feel a bit lame because I don't really know Cohen's works at all and I feel like it's just too late for me; there's just way too much to catch up on. On the other hand, Anjani Thomas (his music partner and current love interest, talk about May-December) has been said to be, artistically, "Leonard Cohen reincarnated as a woman". Maybe I could start there.
