June 2005 Archives

It's all wonderfully summarized right here. Why I haven't written this already, I don't know.

I've wasted my life.

A coworker has this woman that babysits his kids that he calls "The Cookie Lady". She is independently wealthy and loves nothing more than to bake cookies and cakes for people, free of charge. The coworker often brings in his spoils for all of us to share. The cake looked good in the box, but when I cut it it looked like this:

It looks like the wreck of a cake freighter. Just cake everywhere. Local authorities were on the scene overseeing the carnage. Local residents were seen shoveling piles of the wreck into their fucking greedy mouths. More news at 11.

UPDATE: I am walking into more training right now. Let the hilarity ensue.

I have a disorder called selective narcolepsy. It seems as though I will fall dead asleep in certain situations. In fact, it is so selective as to be isolated to work training sessions that I have no desire to go to. It just happened, actually, about an hour ago.

Imagine a portrayal of a person trying to keep 3 tons of water from knocking down his hut. Walls are caving in; springs are leaking from a dozen places at once. And he's the only one that can keep the hut from washing away. That's what it was like listening to this boring product training being given by a Marketing Woman that talks in FUCKING UPSPEAK?

It was almost exaggerated the way I was nodding and nodding. Someone demonstrated what I looked like. My eyes were rolled up into my head half the time, yet I kept them open, so it looked as though I were possessed or something. If I gave in and let the waters wash away my hut, I could have slid right out of my chair into the floor, or maybe a coworker. It really was a constant struggle for to maintain...(what's that's word that means 'state of being awake'? I don't think that awakeness or wakitude are words.). If I cared much about this, or if there were anything I could do about it I would be embarrassed. I am looking for suggestions if you have any.

As soon as it was over, I started feeling alert again. There are at least two more of these sessions this week and next. Fun times. I'll try to sleep an extra hour the night before.

I just sent the following email, slightly altered for blogging, to Pedro:

I read an IM conversation between Rick and Dick (CEO) that I should not have read. I saw some snippets:

Dick: "...sometimes hard choices need to be made..."
Dick: "It's a company. He was expected to do a job."
Rick: "...I was thinking...maybe the new guys..."
Dick: "You're kidding me! They just started!"

In short, I am pretty convinced that either me or James are going to get the boot by Monday. Unless Rick decides that Bobby will be the sacrificial lamb, which I doubt Dick would allow. I have a 36K deal hopefully closing tomorrow. But even if that comes in and saves me, I can't see me being able to stay there. It's like being a rat in a cage.

I told James of this, and he feels the same way. He knows that he needs to get out. I dunno. This all just sucks. And I just got that flat-screen monitor.

I honestly feel like walking into work tomorrow and flat-out asking if I am next. I have some serious thinking to do. It's never been more clear that I am going to waste in this job. I really need to figure out what to do, and I am pretty sure that involves working for myself.

UPDATE: By the way, Dick is not a dick because he wants to fire me. Well, okay, he is, but that's not really why I think he's a dick. It's because he's an egotistical, unethical, mean and petty freakshow. More on him after I (likely) get canned.

Lots of discussion on this entry, which is good. I would just like to point out something about what my intentions were in that entry. I wanted to show how people might perceive us outside of Quebec and Canada. I remember speaking to American clients and somehow sign laws came up in conversation. When I mentioned the restrictions that are placed on English here, I could hear the sharp intake of breath. They said things like, "You aren't allowed to have signs in English?" or "There are fines?" "You are forced to give one language preference?" Now I didn't say that you couldn't have signs in English, they came up with that on their own by twisting my words. But you get the idea. International perspectives may be reasonably concerned.

Last week, two new guys got hired. Two days ago, a coworker, the one I was hired with (Pedro), got fired. And now there are changes to everyone's territories.

Since he's gone, the Kiwi salesguy (#1) snatched up the fallen coworker's fancy headset, and I grabbed his flat-panel fancy monitor. Just now my boss and I nearly came to blows over the non-prescription drugs in his desk.

I went out for a drink with him the day he was ejected. Apparently on Friday our boss asked him to quit. Pedro wasn't happy with the job, and it was clear that he was overqualified and should never have been hired for this position. Rick, our boss, was led to believe that the job was something much different from what it actually turned out to be. Pedro floundered in May and Rick was under pressure to fire someone. That person was almost me, but I was able to pull it together in April and May. In addition to picking through his bones, we are left to pick through his territory. I pick up two states while losing one of my favourites (to the top sales guy!).

It's perfectly reasonable to believe that I could be on the chopping block again. The CEO still doesn't really like me, and even though I am in charge of an altered territory, I have to do really well in July, or else. This hasn't been told to me, but I am sure it will be.

Sales sucks, especially when the company 1) changes the rules on you; 2) has a comp plan that screws you extra if you miss a target, and doesn't really reward extra if you exceed it. I need a new life.

From Overheard in New York:

Tourist guy: Why are all the signs in Chinese?
New York guy: Because we're in Chinatown.
Tourist guy: But shouldn't they have to advertise in English?
New York guy: New York isn't Quebec.
Tourist guy: What?
New York guy: Dude, you don't even know the difference between Chinese and Korean, you'll never understand a reference to Quebecois French.

"New York isn't Quebec". There's an undertone there and although I am being dramatically sensitive, it's doesn't mean it's not true. He meant to say, "New York isn't fascist Quebec". "We're not a bunch of uptight pricks shoving a weird language down people's throats." No, he didn't actually say these things, but he meant them.*

*The tongue is in the cheek.

As some of you might know, my friend Suj is a doctor. What you don't know is that he wrote his final final exams to become a full-fledged doctor. I was talking about this with procrasto when I was reminds that I need to see a urologist soon. I think that I am going for a vasectomy, but I'll grab as much information as I can before I do.

**Le PK** says:
Wow... that's a big decision...

JonasParker says:
It is, but a lack of decisiveness can lead to disaster.

JonasParker says:
Maybe I would change and become the greatest father ever, and love every minute of it, but the thing is that I like who I am, despite my faults. I don't want to change.

**Le PK** says:
Who you are now is not a father... Interesting and brave decision nevertheless. What I do know - or understand from new fathers is that it is a life-changing experience. The vast majority say it's a hugely positive...

JonasParker says:
Yeah, yeah, I know. But like I said, I don't want to change. I like myself the way I am. I like my life. And apparently not that many people can say that.

**Le PK** says:
Nope. I guess. But I look forward to the challenges and changes that come up... nothing stays the same...

JonasParker says:
Exaaaaactly.

**Le PK** says:
but you know that the changes and challenges will not involve children, which means it's not so much about your life, and more about children, no?

JonasParker says:
Thaaaat's right.

**Le PK** says:
Are you sure you've fully thought this through?? ;)

JonasParker says:
Heh. The truth is, I thought that I might change my mind. Someday. Like in five years. But then I thought long and hard about what would happen if Rose were pregnant now. I pretended that she announced that she was, in fact, pregnant. I had heart palpitations, sweats, shakes. At least seven of the whole nine.

Besides, an operation would be great for Rose, too. She already has a child, and she won't have to deal with birth control pills.

**Le PK** says:
Did you ask yourself why you went though those emotions?

JonasParker says:
I didn’t want to be parent in my situation. I don't want to be one of those people that have to lug around their children in the metro, have no money ever, blah, blah, blah. Let me ask you a general question: There seems to be such resistance to the idea of a person permanently rejecting the idea of becoming a parent. Is it really that awful a decision? I think it's pretty responsible, really, although some people would just call me weak and cowardly.

**Le PK** says:
Not an awful decision. A huge decision maybe... I always thought that we were all predisposed to at some point wanting to procreate. Also, my friend L (struggling actor) and his wife (unemployed) gave birth to their baby, but I've never seen them so bonded, happy and parental. For them it was never a question... I think it's a much more conscious decision to NOT have children then to have them if that makes sense...

JonasParker says:
Definitely. There are social drawbacks of not having kids. Friends become more and more distant and unavailable, so you hang out with people younger and younger. You may become so bored that a child would be welcome. Also, children can be effective shields against a partner that is being a jerk, or going through problems or whatever.

Last night, while Rose and I were eating dinner, we looked out the window to see some cops and a group of about 80 people that seemed to be "against" something. Everyone in that whole end of the restaurant was looking at them. Then one of them pulled out a sign that said something about being against the Formula One weekend and against capitalism. They began walking down the street peacefully.

We walked around the neighbourhood a little, if you can call downtown a "neighbourhood" as such, and stopped by to talk to procrasto for a few minutes. (Rose thinks you're a pretty nice guy, by the way.) We got into the metro on the orange line. I didn't notice at first, but there was commotion at this station. We ended up stopped there for a while. People were screaming in excitement. I didn't pay it much heed; I figured that they were a bunch of revelers enjoying the Formula One weekend. But after about five minutes of waiting at the station, I decided to poke my head out.

It was chaos. There must have been about 10 cops and 50 of the people we saw at the restaurant fighting. The cops had their batons out, and I saw about five or six people getting hammered with it. It was a scene from the news in one of those unfortunate fucked-up countries that we only hear about, like Rwanda, or the United States. I think a good number of them escaped, into the metro system, though, as at the next station we saw a large number of similar people (white, wearing mostly black, young, hippie protester-like) getting off at the next station.

If any of you locals heard anything about a bunch of yahoos getting their asses handed to them by the cops yesterday, drop me a line here. I'd like to know what happened, and if these are the same people that we saw at the restaurant.

This past weekend Rose, Petunia and I went to see La Marche de l'Empereur, a movie about a year in the life of a flock of penguins. I cried in spite of myself. Behind us was a woman with her three-year-old daughter. She was laughing and really enjoying the funny penguins. There was a "Bambi" moment in which the females are off feeding underwater and a seal approaches to try to snatch one of them. One by one they leap out of the water to escape. All except one. She leaps out, but the vicious leopard seal, grabs her by the feet and drags her back in to start its feast. It was very dramatic. The little girl couldn't handle it, and had to leave.

The movie was full of examples the purest bravery, of struggling against all odds to survive. These are the stories that move me the most. Not love stories, although you could say that this was one even if it were for penguins. The males were so stoic, guarding their eggs and newborns throughout the cold, unforgiving winter, not feeding for four months. I imagined an exchange among them:

-Hey, Barry. How's the egg?
-Still warm, Frank. You?
-Still warm.

They then share a look of understanding, and no more words need be said, for their struggle is the same. It's so noble, even though I reduced it to the mundane.

Can you imagine if humans had to go through even a third of the Emperor penguin experience just to have a kid? We'd be quite the hardy breed, rather than the soft, mushy lumps we've become. More on that some other time, I guess.

There was a murder right outside my work this morning. Two weeks ago someon tried to rob the bank downstairs. I love downtown.

Of course, I didn't hear any shots. This story isn't nearly as interesting as this one, but I'll take my excitement where I can get it, if by "excitement" you mean a murder occurring just feet from my work, just a few hours earlier.

Anyway, the guy was shot as he left the infamous Super Sexe last night. Serves him right, the fucking perv. That was God's wrath, that was. Actually, it was likely some criminal's wrath, as the victim was known to police. And even more surprisingly, I've never been there.

UPDATE: There's a huge pile of blood nearby that they couldn't clean up. Don't miss it!

My father turns 71 today, and I found out that he went and got himself a minivan! The broken-down 1992 Dodge Spirit is now history, thank God. but the even better news is that my brother is getting out of jail. He's going into a halfway house for another ten months, but still, I'll be able to see him at least.

I still find his situation to be unjust, though. Not as unjust as this, but it's just fortunate that he is in Ontario in 2005 and not North Carolina in 1970.

I am still holding on to the idea that men and women are equal (but not the same). So when it comes time to move desks around, I would expect the women to help out. It's not really physically demanding at all, especially when there are three people doing the job, so to suggest that they simply aren't capable of the physical work is bogus. Here's what happened today.:

Marketing Woman #1 and Marketing Woman #2 (they aren't really in marketing, but I am not really impressed with them right now, so...) hold their little queendoms in the corner of my floor. They have huge work areas covering huge areas, areas that could be used for us. We hired two new guys starting Monday and there was no obvious place for them. MW #1 has stated that she is not budging in terms of her space. Now, there's a vacant office on our floor. She has, as I said, a huge work area at her desk. It's twice as big as mine, and almost twice as big as the sales manager's. The sales team is packed in like sardines. She complains that we are too loud, and is squatting in the vacant office. So she insists that we leave her work area alone, but won't work there.

The sales manager asked her if she wouldn't mind having her work are rotated so that I and two others could move over a few feet and allow a bunch of other changes to take place. She could have said no, and we would have been fucked. More on that later. She agreed, but instead of pitching in like the rest of us, she stood around talking to MW #2. So I and another sales guy picked up her huge work area and rotated it.

She just stood there. Ignoring the hired help. She didn't even offer to help. It was her desk, and even though it wasn't her desire to move, it would have been polite to at least offer.

Now I know that there are lots of women that will pitch in and get their hands dirty when physical work needs to be done. Unfortunately, I haven't seen any in quite some time. They don't offer. They suddenly become incapable or uninterested, especially these prissy, dainty passive-aggressive Baronesses of Bullshit.

Am I just an asshole to expect these women to do the simplest things such as change lightbulbs, or help move their own office furniture? I can tell you that every single man was expected to pitch in, but not a single woman was. Could be something specific to these people and this organization, but I doubt this.