So I'm told that it is wrong to say, "You look great today", because there is a definite implication that yesterday you didn't look great, and it doesn't matter whether or not it's true. I'd just like to say that there is no reason to believe this, in general. Why not think that the man means that you look particularly good today? And what is wrong with this? That's what it means, at least when I say it.
I am told, though, that I am probably perceived as disingenuous, maybe because I, in general, criticize twice as often as I compliment, so when I compliment, people (women) second-guess me and wonder what I'm really playing at, as though playing at things is something I am known for. It's as though they are okay with my criticism, but nothing else, because it is "out of character". This is bullshit if you know me. People seem to value my blunt (but less brutal over the years) honesty, that's one of the reasons they keep me around, and those that can't handle that are typically banished.
I try not to say things that have no value, and so I don't give out compliments too easily. I don't force them out. I give them when I really think that it is appropriate. When they have real meaning. Do you trust the sincerity of someone who compliments everyone most of the time? I don't, but that's just me, I guess. Maybe others just want to hear more compliments and less substance. Compliments with substance are more rare in my opinion, and those are the only ones I am willing to give.
If someone said, "Hey, nice shirt," to me, I wouldn't question and second-guess them unless I had a very good reason to do so. Why? Because I probably also believe it's a nice shirt, or at least it's not awful. If someone I know well said it to me, then I am even less likely to second-guess it, because if I didn't trust the person to be sincere, I wouldn't want them around. So I have to put trust in who I keep around me, and more importantly perhaps, I have to believe that I am worth the compliment, whether it's about my choice in shirts or about my looks, or anything.
I really HATE it when people doubt my sincerity, and I don't care what reasons they have. I know that I don't lie, and my perception is that the doubters believe me to be a liar. I think I will just assume that the doubter has a problem with themselves, and stop giving them compliments. It's easier on everyone. Someone suggested that the next time someone says "What, you didn't like X yesterday?" I should simply ask them if they liked X yesterday, and if not, maybe I shouldn't, either, depending on what X is, of course.
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Simple, easy solution: Tell me I look great every day. Then, maybe, in about 130558304 years, I'll believe you. (Because, it's all about me.)
Seriously, though, you're right. The only response to a compliment is a sincere thank you. People have become too open with their neuroses, all too willing to dump their insecurities on someone else.
Like the 'net, perhaps? Something to think on.
I love this topic. I wrote on a related issue in my journal. Basically, it comes down to the fact that we project ourselves and our thoughts and motivations onto others. So if I am the kind of person who doesn't issue sincere compliments, I will assume that others' compliments to me are insincere. Just like people who judge fear judgement themselves. Those who do not judge, rarely feel judged themselves.
Although I don't think it is as easy as all that, I do think that there is definitely something to that theory.
I don't think an online journal is dumping neuroses on other people. I think it's more putting them in a neutral place. People can learn from it, help you shoulder some weight, laugh at you or whatever. But the end user (um? the hell? am I a drone now?) is the one that bears responsibility for how they receive the information.
I do not compliment. I don't know why, but I don't. On the rare occasion where I feel forced to say something, it sounds wrong and fake.
I understand that feeling. That another reason why I don't do it willy-nilly. I don't want it perceived that way. Compliments are like the finer things in life: better to have less of the real thing and pay more for it than to have lots of useless cheap crap. It's also true for name-brand groceries.
Hmm, I can relate to the "what do you mean, that normally I don't?" when I get compliments like "gee, you are really pretty when you wear a dress" (I don't normally wear dresses... so what is that saying)... I would NOT have an issue with someone saying "wow, that dress looks great on you" or "wow, what a beautiful dress"... it is the "you look great when..." Like "your room looks great when you tidy it" that mom would say... YES she means it doesn't look good when it isn't tidy, and i suspect that the people "complimenting" me like that are trying to encourage me to dress "like a girl" more often. Same with when they say "wow, you are so pretty with that wig" (ie long hair)... sometimes that is followed up with "you should grow your hair long". Yes they mean I look better than I normally do with my short hair. But some people, it is true, just don't know how to accept a compliment. It makes them uncomfortable or worry it is insincere. On the other hand, I find i compliment more and more. But what I do is express out loud something I am thinking. And I think that is like random kindness... a good thing. If I notice I am staring at the gorgeous color of a woman's dress on the street, I will now say to her "oh, I love the color of your dress!"... This is very different from "forcing" yourself to compliment someone about the color they wear everyday. Just say what you see that catches your attention: "oh, I loved how you phrased that" "oh, your hair just sparkles in the sun... what gorgeous highlights!"... I find it is more a matter of being tuned into myself, and then sharing it. It is wonderful how someone will go from frowning to smiling when you totally gratuitously say something like that when you notice it. :) cheers.