Liz wrote a great entry about women and their (her) feelings of inadequacy. Many responded in the comments section, and rather than just write an entry in her comments, I figured I'd write an entry here. But you have to read this first, and the comments. |
So, bitter much? I think the commenters should all get together and write entries about bitterness. That's the one thing that seems to connect women these days. It doesn't necessarily make them friends, but it does give them some common ground. Yes, it seems that women are more bitter than ever.
You know what drives women crazy about these nice women? Their apparent LACK of bitterness. Their confidence in themselves, their lack of comparing themselves with others is what so many women hate. The things that destroys bitter and envious women is not present in these others. Such women are free to be who they want to be (whatever that is) and they actually like themselves. In turn, they attract like-minded women, and naturally, men. This drives others, the less self-accepting among other things, crazy. Unfortunately for the Green Queens (of Envy), this is no one's problem but theirs. Not society's, not men's, not the Free Women, but theirs.
A year ago I said: "Too fat, too skinny, too poor, too rich, too smart, too stupid, too blonde, too white, too black. Too fucking bad." It was in another context (and I admit that I was quite bitter myself at the time), but I think it fits here. I was in that envious, bitter mode once some years ago. I hope I never get there again. I feel emancipated now, and I feel glad that I do not wallow in this world of backstabbing, bitterness and bullshit.
I get the impression that people associate these traits with female behaviour. I'd like to read some things about the annoying things that plague 21st-century men.
If it looks as though I am sitting high upon a throne of judgement, it's because I am, even if I might be guilty sometimes. I think Liz wrote about judgement at one point. It sums up my feelings fairly well. Maybe she still has it kicking around somewhere.
What bothers me, personally, about these seemingly together girls is that they are "together" at the expense of having a personality.
Not to mention the sweet nicey-nice bullshit they spew all over you, only to turn around and whisper "Well, she's gained weight" to her other *nice* friend.
Yes, this is easy to understand. I don't deny that there are lots of these women around, but I figure (or at least hope) that once the age of say, 25 comes around, women have sorted themselves out, and men are not as easily fooled by such obvious bullshit. Also, I don't buy wholesale the notion that the confident women are mostly backstabbers, as though 1) the real deal is as likely to exist as hobbits and 2) men can almost never really deal the difference when given the opportunity to get to know these women.
(Damn, I had the perfect response and then lost it when I clicked on another link. Here' my best attempt at re-creating it)
Interesting perspective, JP. Here's mine: I don't think that women reside in one camp (bitterness) or the other (self-confidence). Most of us tend to have a foot in both camps and, depending on what's going on in our lives and how we are able to deal with it, we tend to lean towards one or the other. I like to think that I am a pretty together person (the most together I have been in the 22 years of my adult life), yet I still have moments when I fall back into self-destructive thoughts and behaviours. Thankfully, I have a great posse of friends (mostly women - and one gay man) who kick my ass when I go there. I think we *do* attract like-minded people - and the caliber of women/men in my inner circle are evidence of that. We all have our moments of bitterness; the key is in recognizing when you're there and then kicking your own ass to get the hell out.
I don't want to speak for Liz (and I know that she'll correct me if I'm wrong), but I suspect what she was trying to say is that she can't stand women who *appear* all nice and together, but who then turn around and cut you down (in either an obvious or back-handed way). I believe that over time these women tend to show their true colours and they are revealed to be the true women they are.
As for your last point about the things that plague the 21st century man, I would say that one of your gender's biggest issues is adjusting to your changing role in the world. Women's roles have evolved greatly in the last 50 years, and I don't know if men have been able to keep up with the changes and how to live in this new world. The truth is, the role of the man in the 21st century is very different than it was in the last. Your (i.e., men's) challenge will be to redefine your measures of success as a man, beyond simply provider and protector. Thoughts?
I could go on and on about this topic. But, I'll keep it short. Just in my recent experiences, I find it absolutely hysterical that the guys who force me into bitterness are also the guys who have the gall to tell me that I'm too bitter. Fuck that!
Then again, the reasons for my bitterness are different than what's really being discussed here. Oh well - one track mind. And for the record, I, as a woman, am perfectly capable of pulling myself out of such bitterness - hence why I'm not now.
Oh this is rambling - that's what happens on Sunday night...
Hope all is well.
Is there a place to post "generic" comments - unrelated to any given thread? bleh.
Curious minds want to know... I'm sure you've heard about the Bobby Fischer detainment. He's really an interesting character - what're your thoughts?