The great thing about this template and the way I set up Movable Type is that if I don't update enough, the site looks like shit. The navigation is all screwed up. The creates an incentive to update.
I had a delicious entry all ready to go (almost), and then Liz decides to send me a link in email. Normally whenever I click on an entry from Outlook, it opens up a new window. But this time, it used the Movable Type window I was working in. I didn't save my entry, but normally that's not an issue. I can just go back in my browser to MT and my entry will still be there.
But not this time.
I just thought it was very very cool that they were 30ish, gaining ground in their respective careers and all modern-living together and shit, and then they go do something so retro and normal.
Retro, normal, and not particularly independent perhaps? As if living together weren't enough? I don't want to turn this into a TOBL dicsussion (it's worth reading), but I wonder exactly why she was hoping for it for so long. Clearly she wanted to marry him. I'm sure he's a great guy, but, well, what's the point? I still don't see it. I do not agree that it is a greater commitment than one that you have already made in your own heart, mind and most importantly, actions. Once you have done this, nothing else matters. Weddings are not about celebrating love or whatever. To me, they are about everyone except the person that matters. And can you imagine me planning a wedding?
-What kind of place settings do you want? These or these?
-Uhhhh, those.
-And what about (insert some wedding detail here)?
-*blinks eyes*
-Are you listening to me?
-Yes, master. (thousand-yard stare)
What I am saying is that these things are a lot of flash and little substance. At least for me. Sure they are nice ceremonies, but in the end, that's all they are. They aren't taking care of someone you love. They aren't listening to someone when they are down, nor are they swelling with pride when they achieve a personal goal. To me, weddings represent none of the things that have any substance for a relationship.
What weddings do represent are the end of your life, and the beginning of something that, well, isn't your life. Two become one, and all that stuff. But frankly, I like being who I am far too much to sacrifice myself to the gods of unity.
I want a relationship like the one my brother has with his girlfriend/wife/whatever you want to call her. (We call her Susan. Her name. She isn't his anything.) They have been together for about ten years (but who's counting? Certainly not them.). They live together in their house out in the country with their son, and are happy living everyday lives. They even pursue their passions, together and apart. They have perfect lives as far as I am concerned.
But most people see the perfect life as what my sister has. She and her husband have two children, a larger house out in the country and pursue their passions, together and apart. Both are fine examples of great relationships. But I do not see the difference between my brother's relationship and my sister's. None. Only when someone can tell me why my sister's relationship is better than my brother's will I even consider marriage.
But I am not made of practical, unyielding stone. I have often envisioned throwing a party on the St. Lawrence River, maybe at Boldt Castle. We would invite lots of people that we cared about (not out of obligation) and would shuttle people on and off the island. There would be a band on the island, and activities for everyone. It would be a celebration of our lives together, and having approached or reached that right balance that makes a relationship beautiful and stable. It happens after you get to the point where you both know that you work together. But of course you have to have the money and time to do it, and that would take a while. And this party wouldn't be anything resembling a priority, either. It's not as though I want to spend years with someone just so that I can have this party. I might as well get married in some Big Fat Greek way. It is something I would do many years from now after I have achieved everything I really wanted to do. It would be the jewel in the crown, not the crown. It would be a bonus, not the objective.
For some, it's the path, not the goal.
When you get on these topics... TOBL and now The Path, you get my wheels spinning, although for both - they already have been. Had a long conversation re: marriage a couple months ago - how some people feel like they need to get married. People find that there's "something" about it - and I don't quite understand it myself, but the spoken bond seems to mean more - more committed than just being a couple or just living together. I don't know - I'm with you for the most part on this one. I will say though, if the right fella comes along and all is well, I may get married someday, but it is not my goal - it's more like a bonus on the road of life. Oh fuck, I don't know what I'm talking about - I just had to say that I know what you're talking about ; )