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March 9, 2010 12:21 AM

Coming June 3, 2010

Wrong Way to Hope, the film I was in. Countdown begins now. Lots of people looking forward to seeing it, not least myself. I am supposed to head to Toronto this weekend to get a preview as well as another interview. I'll let you know more information as I get it.
Posted by Alston on March 9, 2010 12:21 AM | 2 Comments | No TrackBacks

March 8, 2010 4:50 PM

The latest CT scan and questions

It's another report: the final analysis of the CT scan performed on February 16. I have put the interesting and salient points in bold:

A small, tiny hypodensity in the liver in segment 5 measuring 5 mm, too small to be characterized, however, the parenchyma of the liver is slightly difficult to study due to an early venous phase. Gallbladder, intrahepetic bile ducts are unremarkable.

Continue reading The latest CT scan and questions.
Posted by Alston on March 8, 2010 4:50 PM | 6 Comments | No TrackBacks

March 8, 2010 2:07 PM

Interruptions in service

I am just letting you know that there will likely be some interruptions in this blog in a sense. It was unavailable for a few hours today because I forgot to renew the domain. I took care of that, but now Movable Type 5 has been released, and I will likely want to upgrade and try different features. This includes template changes, so don't be surprised if the blog looks absolutely horrible in the next several days or weeks.
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Posted by Alston on March 8, 2010 2:07 PM | No Comments | No TrackBacks

March 3, 2010 1:29 PM

Letter from my brother-in-law

This is the doctor that did some consulting during my early treatment. He and my sister visited me during my week in the hospital; it was great. Here's a picture of him on the right. 

Hi Ali,

Let me first deal with the practical and then come to the abstract.

Radiation may slow down the stuff in the chest but you are right, the cost is burning dysesthesia and possibly worsening swallowing ability.  If you take this you may want to consider a feeding tube which would have to be placed surgically because you need your strength. Chemo is the answer as it is systemic (disease and treatment); but you know the cost, and it is trial and error ( a calculated guess)  to find one that has some effect on the tumor. (It is something I am reconsidering given the help I now have.)

ENT is to inject the vocal cord with a teflon substance to bring it back to the midline so that the other vocal cord can work better and your speech will be better.  Take care, because your nerve which is likely damaged by tumor recurrence and is the likely cause of your poor voice, controls also the swallowing reflex in the neck, and  if you drink thin liquids this can lead to aspiration if you are not careful.  The ENT procedure is simply to help improve your voice but it has no effect on the tumor.

And now the abstract:

Continue reading Letter from my brother-in-law.
Posted by Alston on March 3, 2010 1:29 PM | No Comments | No TrackBacks

March 2, 2010 1:13 PM

Letter from my sister

Keep in mind that until November I would hear from this sister (not the one that most people know) about once a month. I hadn't heard from her since the fall for some reason. And as you know, the expression of raw emotion doesn't happen in my family, so this is a significant departure from the norm.

This (authorized) letter is so beautiful to me. I knew she loved me, but this...

Hi Ali,

I came to the computer to check the time because I needed to replace the batteries in a clock and set the time.  That is when I saw that you had written.  Immediately I had a sick feeling in my stomach and was overtaken by panic and fear but knew I had to open the e-mail.

I am at a loss for words.  My stomach is killing me and I am feeling queasy and shaking with tears in my eyes. (forgive me for complaining about pain.  I shouldn't considering what you are going through).  I had no idea.  I could have called you and e-mailed to find out, but I was afraid.  I kept hoping and praying that everything was going to be all right and that no news is good news.  What a coward I am.

I feel better knowing that you are not alone in your time of need.  I knew you had good friends and in a way I did not worry as much, but nevertheless I always did.  I am not very good at expressing my thoughts and feelings.   Forget about proper grammar, I think you know what I am trying to say.

If I could change your situation and makes things better (eradicating this cancer from your body), I would have done it the first time I learned of your diagnosis.

I have not given up.  I will continue to say prayers.  I do hope you are not suffering too much.

Ali, please let me know what I can do to help.

I very rarely use the word love because I feel that it is so overused without any thought to the true meaning.  Please know that I love you very much (emphasis mine) and please let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

The tears are flowing freely now.

Love always,

Allison
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Posted by Alston on March 2, 2010 1:13 PM | 1 Comment | No TrackBacks

March 2, 2010 12:33 PM

Nooses

As far as I know, nooses haven't been found anywhere in Canada, although there was a recent cross burning in NS. Yet another has been found in the US, in a university library at UCSD.

These nooses are not free expression, they are acts of violence and terror. If something like that were to happen at McGill, my alma mater, I don't know what I would do. It would be devastating. It means that there are people that want to see me dead; they want to kill me. For me, it would mean that nowhere on campus were safe. Thousands of people were actually killed this way, and in worse ways, while onlookers threw parties. I urge you to read the account of the man lynched in the previous link. It is utterly horrifying. 

And yet some insist that it's no big deal. Nothing to worry about, just some young cranks trying to provoke people. No. This is at the root of American society. This is what some people think should continue. This is a reaction of a significant sector of society that feels its power threatened and would stop at nothing to preserve it. It is perfectly appropriate for some black students to feel so unsafe that they need to leave the school, either temporarily or permanently, because it is clear that dangerous people do not want them there. 

Just try to imagine the savagery required to do this to someone. I'm just talking about the "symbolic" noose hanging in a library, not even an actual lynching, because I can't even get my head about the cross-burning. I can't. Try to imagine what you would feel if you saw this in your workplace. What would you do? I know what I would do. I would demand action immediately. A investigation, questioning, company-wide denouncing of the crime as well as a company-wide meeting (if the company is small enough). There would be counselling and such for anyone too deeply affected and time off as required, so that people feel safe coming to work. I know that this might be what the offender wants, but fuck them. 

While I am happy that I am not in the US where this type of thing happens regularly, I have no illusions that there are other similar incidents happening here that are not getting attention. Makes me think of our suppressed Canadian slaveholding history. But I digress...
Posted by Alston on March 2, 2010 12:33 PM | 1 Comment | No TrackBacks

March 2, 2010 8:22 AM

My relationship with chocolate ice cream

I have a silly little confession from childhood. Sometimes we would travel to the Dairy Queen outside town as a family and have ice cream. It was always a good time. I enjoyed everything about it; the weather, the picnic tables, the location, the smells. I don't remember what anyone got other than me and my sister. She always ordered chocolate. I always ordered vanilla. ALWAYS.

Somehow, I developed this racial guilt over it. By this time I had already felt the sting of racism, both overtly and covertly. I knew that any sort of real protection had to come from us. And I figured that that included supporting things that were perceived as black. It made sense that my sister would prefer chocolate ice cream, but although it wasn't bad, I always found it bittersweet and tasty, while vanilla was just sweet and tasty. And I felt a tinge of selfishness and shame. I felt the same way about Girl Guide cookies. 

I got over this when I discovered strawberry ice cream, and then tiger-tail. I think I tried those because I was sick of the racial guilt. It was probably close to a decade before I had vanilla ice cream again, and by then I felt nothing about it. I mean, white people could have chocolate ice cream with no issues right? (I could make a white privilege argument there, but I will refrain). And over the years my feeling about the taste of chocolate ice cream hasn't really changed. 

Now I will sit down with my tea-with-milk, and two Golden Oreos.
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Posted by Alston on March 2, 2010 8:22 AM | 5 Comments | No TrackBacks

March 1, 2010 10:47 AM

John Furlong embarrassed me

This is a commentary about last night's speech by VANOC head John Furlong. Furlong is a pretty good Canadian by all accounts; an Irish immigrant 30 years ago, and since having a distinguished career in Canadian sport. 

But did you actually hear the French in his speech last night? I swear I could have done as good a job in Russian, and I don't even know the Russian alphabet. It was beyond embarrassing. It was painful. I mean, VO TRAY? ("votre"). Did this man practice at all? Was there no one in this budget that could have helped his pronunciation? 

Look, I understand that he's a busy guy and doesn't know the language. I won't fault him for being so completely unilingual in his personal life. But do you think that in other officially bilingual countries that his sort of thing would have occurred? Would Switzerland have had a German-speaker with absolutely no knowledge of another other language deliver such important speeches? Of course not. The rest of the world would look at them and wonder what the fuck multilingualism and multiculturalism mean in that country, and why they would promote themselves as such when this representative botches it so completely and thoroughly.

Continue reading John Furlong embarrassed me.
Posted by Alston on March 1, 2010 10:47 AM | 9 Comments | No TrackBacks
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